Sunday, February 24, 2013

Self Acceptance

Well......I have attempted to start a blog previously but was to worried about how lame I would probably sound and perhaps a little shy about being a gay married Mormon man, but everything changed about a month ago. My wife officially knows and I am beginning the process to fully accept who I am.

Who am I? I am 30 years old, a son, a father, a husband, and a student. Needless to say these things all add up to a pretty busy life. I am a doctoral student in music with an emphasis in vocal performance. I love music and it has been a means for personal expression in an otherwise repressed life. I enjoy soccer, I love legos, I am an avid Walking Dead fanatic, Oh and by the way I am gay. I feel totally comfortable adding this descriptor to all of the others I give to myself, this was not the case a few years ago let alone a month ago. About three years ago I finally put all of the pieces together for the first time. "I am gay," this thought sank deeply into my mind as I sat on our couch taking a break from my intense study session to prepare for my oral defense of my comprehensive exam for my masters degree. I took in a deep breath and let the thought sit. After a few minutes I broke down crying, I was mourning for the person I thought I was, for my wife, and my young son. What did this mean for all of us? My concern immediately shifted to my family. I knew I wasn't ready to share my realization with anyone yet, but I felt a pressure building that would take three years to finally admit to my wife that I was in fact gay.

As part of my journey to understand who I am I have decided to start this blog. In part as having a means to express myself but also in the hopes of meeting others who share my same situation (gay, Mormon, & Married). Any of you out there who have advice for me I promise it will be well received and is truly needed.

I think this is enough for a first post, I have many thoughts to organize and I'm a blogging virgin so I don't want to babble. Just like this blog my personal journey in truth is only beginning, so I don't have to share everything all at once. I do not know what life holds for me but at least now I am ready to accept myself.

6 comments:

  1. Best wishes as your journey continues.

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  2. Welcome to a new blogger! Good job putting yourself on the Moho Directory right from the start--that's definitely how you'll find the others you want to find.

    I wish you the best and look forward to reading how things progress for you and your family. :)

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